Well Groomed. Man's perspective on weddings.

Before my wedding, the best day of my life was the arrival of my first pubic hair. I ran around showing anyone who would look. Sorry about that, Gran. But even that momentous event was easily sidelined by the day I got married. I guess that’s not too surprising. Weddings usually rank right up there on life changing events. And usually it’s even better than scoring the winning goal for your team and the first time you score. But my one bug-bear about weddings is that the bride is the centre of attention and the groom is left of centre. When it comes to handing out the wedding ranking, the groom always gets screwed. And I don’t mean back in the hotel that night.

I’m not sure why, but some grooms choose to be a guest. An important guest but a guest none the less. Perhaps it boils down to women wanting to get married more than men. Usually, girls start fantasizing about their wedding long before they start fantasizing about boys. Even still, I made sure I wasn’t going to be one of those grooms that just showed up on the day and followed mother-in-law’s instruction. I was determined to be one of those nightmare grooms that got too involved in planning my wife’s dream wedding. To my delight, she encouraged me. She asked for my opinion on everything and only made the smallest grimace when I suggested we have a life-size ice sculpture of Bryan Habana.

And on the actual day, if I was second fiddle, I didn’t care. My bride deserved the stardom. I’m not the most sensitive person in the world but when I first saw her, I became as emotional as a school girl at a Robbie Williams concert. No matter how high my expectations were, I was still overwhelmed with emotion when I first saw her. Whatever we paid the dressmaker, it wasn’t enough. And it’s quite likely we helped pay for her house. In her every day clothes my girl already looks way out of my league. But the wedding dress just gave her an entirely new look. And that look was from me. I couldn’t stop staring. She seemed like a princess. I’m not talking about that woman Prince Charles is dating because she’s a horse. I mean the angelic ones portrayed in children’s fairytales. It’s amazing how the moment of first seeing your bride clears out all other thoughts from your mind. And I had many, like ‘Will I remember the first dance choreography?’, ‘Will I mess up my speech?’ and ‘Will Grandpa get slapped by one of the bridesmaids?’ But those concerns got dropped quicker than a ball through the hands of a South African cricket player. It was just a moment of serenity and the only intrusion was the little voice in my head asking, “Is this really happening?”

Once I was able to tear my eyes off my bride there were many other things to be appreciated on the day. For instance, the glorious spread of flowers that turned our humble venue into a Keith Kirsten’s, some fine speeches delivered to a boisterous audience and our Rabbi who was in fantastic spirits way before he drank any.

One of the reasons I appreciated the day as much as I did was because I was a substantial contributor. And I don’t mean writing the cheques. Although I did run out of ink. I mean, I set out to be involved in the planning and that’s what I did. My then-fiancée took all the chores I just wasn’t qualified to do. She made decisions about the table and venue décor, the menu and choosing the registry. She also hand-made the invitations and sent them to our friends, family and those who you feel obliged to invite. You know, Cousin What’s Her Name, who’s married to Mr. Thingama Bob. I took all the fun stuff, like organising the band, the photographer, the booze and the removal of the ice sculpture.
You hear a lot of stories about grooms who just stay out of the way while their ladies organize the whole shindig. And who can blame them? Well, their fiancés usually do. But you ladies are just born with the ability to organize a wedding. But I’m not born with the ability to stay out of the way. Some would say I get too involved. Ok, all would say. But it’s worth it in the end. My efforts were handsomely rewarded with a feeling of pride in the event and a heightened sense of excitement about getting married. It’s really the first time a husband and wife get to create something together. Put in guy-language, wedding planning can be a team sport. Do I think that all men should be as involved in their wedding planning as I was? I do.